Mercy Ships Canada and other health organizations and charities around the world are recognizing May 23rd as International Day to End Obstetric Fistula.  This year, the date marks not only the 10th anniversary of the UNFPA’s Campaign to End Fistula, but also the 10^th year of Mercy Ships involvement in the effort to reduce maternal and infant mortality (Millennium Development Goal #5) through fistula surgeries and education.

Obstetric fistula is a preventable and mostly treatable condition that primarily affects young women from poor backgrounds. Fistula is one of the most devastating of all pregnancy-related disabilities. Usually the result of obstructed labor coupled with a lack of skilled medical care, obstetric fistula most often leads to permanent incontinence.

Since 2003, Mercy Ships surgeons have performed more than 2880 procedures to correct obstetric fistula and related issues on 2490 patients onboard our hospital ships in Africa. Many Canadians have contributed to this accomplishment, volunteering their time and skills and paying their own way to help continue efforts.

This year, Mercy Ships will further increase its ability to build capacity in Western Africa through improved healthcare educational opportunities for African professionals onboard ship.  In collaboration with Johnson & Johnson and their family of companies, Mercy Ships is beginning a new Basic Surgical Skills Course in the Republic of the Congo as part of one of the Healthcare Education programs being offered during the Africa Mercy’s upcoming port visit to Pointe Noire (Aug 2013 – May 2014). This course is designed for those from many types of general surgical disciplines including VVF and has been run successfully in Ghana and other locations for several years.

“This specific course has been developed by Johnson & Johnson in collaboration with the West African College of Surgeons (WACS) and has proven to be very effective in strengthening efficiency and surgical skills of the developing nation candidates.  This is an important part of the services we will be offering healthcare professionals at the request of the Congo Government,” stated Don Stephens, President & Founder of Mercy Ships.

Since 2006, 15 African surgeons and several expat surgeons have also been able to gain surgical experience alongside experts in the field, thereby increasing national capacity to address the issues of fistula management and care.  More recently, 11 ward nurses and two nurse anesthetists have been up-skilled in VVF (vesico-vaginal fistula) care.

Annually the number of maternal deaths worldwide has dropped from more than 543,000 to 287,000, according to a report, “Trends in Maternal Mortality: 1990-2010,” released June 2012 by the World Health Organization, the U.N. Population Fund, UNICEF and the World Bank.

According to the UNFPA, motherhood remains a risky endeavor – every two minutes a woman dies in childbirth.  While progress has been made in addressing and preventing the devastating condition of obstetric fistula, significantly more must be done in order to treat the approximately 3.5 million women and girls still living with the debilitating condition, as well as the almost 100,000 who develop it every year.

Click here to view the embedded video.

ABOUT MERCY SHIPS: Mercy Ships uses hospital ships to deliver free, world-class health care services, capacity building and sustainable development to those without access in the developing world. Founded in 1978 by Don and Deyon Stephens, Mercy Ships has worked in more than 70 countries providing services valued at more than $1 billion, impacting more than 2.42 million direct beneficiaries. Each year Mercy Ships has more than 1,600 volunteers from over 45 nations. Professionals including surgeons, dentists, nurses, health care trainers, teachers, cooks, seamen, engineers, and agriculturalists donate their time and skills to the effort. Mercy Ships seeks to transform individuals and serve nations one at a time. For more information click on www.mercyships.ca

By Your Doctor’s Wife

Yesterday, I booked an appointment at an upscale spa. It was pricey, but I was willing to pay for the relaxing ambiance and cucumber water they offered.

Question: I have two teenage girls who are 14 and 16 years old. They are complete opposites in looks and personality, which is expected, but I am suspecting that my eldest might be gay. I don’t have a problem with that, but I have spoken to my husband privately about it and he doesn’t even want to discuss it. I have overheard my 16-year-old having phone discussions with other girls and in my gut I just have a feeling that she is dating girls. Do I let her come to me about it or do I somehow try to open up the discussion? I am scared that I will screw it up and push her away. Any suggestions?

LISA’S ANSWER: This is a subject very close to my heart as several of my friends are gay. Having grown up with them it was always clear to me it was a different relationship than I had with my straight male friends, though I didn’t know what “gay” meant at the time. When I came to understand the term as a teenager, it all became clear. But here’s the catch: it hadn’t become clear to them – not yet. My best friend W is well out of the closet now but hates it when people say to him “Oh, I knew all along”. It was something he had to discover for himself and it was a long process. Imagine that – feeling all your life that you’re not quite the same as the other boys in your class and not being able to pinpoint why.

Long story short, you can’t force someone out of the closet. You have a woman’s intuition and you’ve seen her grow up, so you know her better than most. If you believe she’s gay, there’s a good chance she is. If I were you I would just let her know (without being too obvious) that you love her no matter what and you’ll support her choices in life, love and everything in between. Tell her she can come and talk to you anytime about anything and then back off. She’ll tell you when the time is right but it could take years. I know you’re concerned for her but you have to remember that this is her life. She’s probably got enough going on in her head that she doesn’t need her parents interfering. The best you can do is create a nurturing, accepting environment so that she’s feel comfortable coming to you when she’s ready. Speaking of which, you’re going to need to force your husband into a private conversation about this whether he likes it or not. You need to make sure you’re on the same page about this – that he’ll accept her no matter what and will discuss it openly with her if and when the time comes. My friend W wrote a letter to his mother when he was ready to come out. She wrote him a letter back saying there’s nothing he could tell her that would make her stop loving him as much. They are very close to this day. He never told his father because he was scared of his reaction as he had parented with fear and bravado. They are not close and it’s a shame it has to be that way.

Just remember, it will all be okay. It’s not a big deal if she’s gay – it’s just who she is. It’s always a struggle to come out of the closet, but it’s just something she needs to do on her own. I applaud you for your love and acceptance. Congratulations on raising two happy and healthy daughters.

AMANDA’S ANSWER: I think it’s lovely that you want to create a comfortable environment for her to confide in you, and I also think it’s probably, sadly, natural for your hubby not to want to discuss it. First, men are uncomfortable even thinking about their daughters having sex, regardless of their sexual orientation, and secondly, well, he’s clearly uncomfortable with her sexual orientation. Which is why it’s great that you can be there for her to let her know you’re fine with it and you just want her to be happy. She has an awesome mom!

I would gently initiate conversation with her. Ask her how things are going in her life. If she’s closed off when it comes to her love life, then I would bring up the topic of being gay in a general way. If there are any tv shows the two of you are watching that have gay storylines, that’s one way to bring it up, when you’re watching the show for instance – say if a protagonist is anti-gay in a show, you could say “I really feel sad for so and so because her friend is not supporting her in being gay. I think people’s sexual orientation should be supported, not thwarted. What do you think?”

If she doesn’t bite and won’t engage, then I would suggest that you have to respect her wish for privacy, and in a general way, tell her that whatever she needs, whatever she’s going through in her life, you are there for her and you will support her, so if she ever needs to confide in you about anything, she should feel comfortable because you won’t judge. If she asks why you’re saying this, just tell her that she’s a teenager and you know that means she is discovering her own independence and going through her own experiences, but that just because she’s growing up doesn’t mean you’re not there for her anymore, and that you love her. And as Lisa suggested, talk to your hubby. Good luck!

Relationship advice

Love, Lust & The In-Between offers advice to anyone experiencing challenges in their lives. Readers of this magazine are most welcome to send in their questions, which will be handled with the utmost confidence. Lisa and Amanda will each reply with their own perspectives. Please be aware that their advice comes from experience, not a classroom, and is therefore only to be applied to your personal situation if it feels like the right thing for you. Lisa and Amanda look forward to helping you. Please comment below and provide your questions, so the ladies can help you even more!

Round frames are making a major comeback this summer in eyewear. This vintage-inspired look is a refreshing change that provides a new style direction. Whether you are ready to fully embrace perfectly round frames, or want a gradual transition try these  softer rounded shapes like the Derek Cardigan Sun 7004 Fog sunglasses. Sign up for a chance to win these glasses. Open to Canadian Residents only. A value of $89.

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By Philip Bisset-Covaneiro, BSc., CFP

Education is the first rule in making better decisions and eventually being able to take care of yourself and your family. If you want to reach all of your financial goals, you need to learn the best rules to save as much as possible in your expenses and then use your savings to work as hard as possible. Look what a planned investment into your TFSA can do for you over time. Tax-Free Savings Account is important to have in the short and long term. Because capital gains and other investment income earned within a Tax-Free Savings Account (TFSA) are not taxable, when you contribute to a TFSA you can withdraw your investment growth tax-free. Investment growth in a non-registered account is subject to tax at the time of withdrawal. Therefore investments within a TFSA will typically outperform a similar non-registered investment portfolio.

To reach Philip, please email him at philip.bisset-covaneiro@investorsgroup.com

Commissions, fees and expenses may be associated with mutual fund investments. Read the prospectus before investing. Mutual funds are not guaranteed, values change frequently and past performance may not be repeated. The rate of return is used only to illustrate the effects of the compound growth rate and is not intended to reflect future values or returns on investment. The Investors Group Corporate Class mutual funds are shares issued by Investors Group Corporate Class Inc.™ Written and published by Investors Group as a general source of information only. It is not intended as a solicitation to buy or sell specific investments, nor is it intended to provide tax, legal or investment advice. Readers should seek advice on their specific circumstances from an Investors Group Consultant.

™ Trademark owned by IGM Financial Inc. and licensed to its subsidiary corporations. “Tax-Free Savings Account in the short and long-term” © Investors Group Inc.

In our daily lives we have all kinds of situations which cause us stress, worry, anger, hanging on to old stuff (attachment) and avoidance (aversion). Our minds, conscious and subconscious react negatively to these situations – our Storylines and we become mentally or even physically unhealthy because of these ‘allergic reactions’. Really, it’s our Storylines – the Histamines that cause us what is called Dukkha in Sanskrit. Dukkha is Suffering. We would think that it’s the person, event or thing that’s causing us this reaction but it’s not. It’s how we handle it. If we handled everything from a space of peace and serenity, we would never suffer. Our state is something that requires a great deal of effort. Like working on being an Olympic athlete, we can’t one day decide we want to go into the Olympics and simply claim a medal. We have to train rigorously for it. We can’t suddenly decide one day that we wish to be  calm and happy and for that much-needed state to just magically appear! We have to practice it – rigorously. That’s why Spiritual Practice is needed; that’s why a guide may be necessary. Ever wonder why there are so many people with Life Coaches or Counsellors out there today? It’s because they can give us different information than we have. We have to take that information and put it in the place of our old way of being if we want to develop and move ahead in life. We need practice. Meditation or Personal Development is a daily thing. Just like exercise; if we stop – so will the results.

For example, I’ve been in two car accidents in my life; once when I was still a practicing professional wrestler and later as a student of a Buddhist Monk. The first one, I was angry, and I was attached to my vehicle. It was the most important thing in the world to me. My money, my body, me, me, me. Completely Egocentric. Self-absorbed. At the time I didn’t care about the other person or their vehicle. I was fuming and ready to fly off the handle on them. Fortunately I did the politically correct thing and didn’t. But I was really out-of-sorts for days about this. “My car! How dare they!” I thought. The second time I was in a car accident, I realized I wasn’t hurt. I was understanding and compassionate because I realized that this was only an accident and it wasn’t intentional. I knew that my car would be fixed in a few days;  I wondered if the people were okay. I wasn’t even close to freaking out! I was aware of my state.

Suffering is the result of a reaction to our story. That’s all it is. Once we can defeat our Inner Enemies – Anger, Attachment and Aversion, we will stop suffering. The ‘Antihistamines’ or remedies to these inner problems are Compassion, Non-Attachment & Acceptance. This is easier said than done though, right? More on the remedy soon.

About the author: Rick Titan was born and raised in Vancouver B.C. and moved to Calgary in 1989 to pursue a career as a professional wrestler with Stampede Wrestling and the Harts. A former world heavyweight and tag-team champion, he wrestled for 10 years internationally in places such as Japan, Austria, Germany, Mexico, Puerto Rico, all over Canada and the U.S. where he worked for the World Wrestling Federation (now WWE).

After a rough & tumble sports entertainment career Rick chose to train his mind as hard as he trained his body. He has studied various philosophies over the last 13 years and found answers to better his own life as well as to coach others. He is a meditation teacher and works extensively in the personal development arena.

Click on the poster below for more information on the next Many Faces Of Success Seminars.

By Vanessa Roman

It’s a singles world out there – as Beyoncé keeps reminding us (in song at least, if not in her own life). And buying a home doesn’t have to be off limits for all the single ladies out there, or indeed the single laddies.

More women than men buy properties solo, and I think it’s a fantastic idea. But it comes with its own challenges, particularly when the global economy is fragile.

Between 2001 and 2008, 11.8 per cent more single consumers became homeowners, according to Statistics Canada, rising to nearly half of the total singles population. The trend may have slowed, but the desire is still there. Homeownership is the goal.

A single person only has one income to support the purchase, adding extra risk should job security become an issue. So it’s even more important to choose the right home, and be prepared.

If your work situation and prospects for the next few years are stable enough, it is worth looking at the housing market with a view to buy. Start small if it’s your first place, leaving you in a safer financial position with more room to trade up if the opportunity arises, or if you later meet someone and need space for two. . .or more.

In my experience, first time single buyers usually have a big wish list their budgets can’t, or shouldn’t support. It’s best to think and act conservatively with your budget initially because you – the first time home buyer – have never owned a property before and may not have a solid plan for the unexpected expenses which will come up. While paying rent, you didn’t have to worry about these unexpected expenses because you had a landlord to call. But now you are your own landlord, so the buck stops with you – and you better have some bucks in the bank to cover the expenses.

Make sure there is room to maneuver in your monthly budget. You don’t want to become a test case for what NOT to do when buying solo. I recommend having at least a 20% cushion within your monthly budget. So after all your essential bills are paid, you have 20% saved for a rainy day or a leaky faucet or a crack in the foundation or….you get the picture.

You might already have breathing space factored into your personal finances while paying rent. If you can switch that rental money across to a mortgage you will be better off in the long run building equity for your future.

Finally, being on your own when you buy a home means there’s nobody else to help with maintenance, yard work, chores and the upkeep. So make sure the size and requirements of the property suit your lifestyle, both in terms of time and handy-girl skills. You don’t want to get swamped under “to do” lists when you’re also trying to make sure the mortgage is paid on time.

As the StatsCan figures show, half of all single consumers own a home, even with just one income. So if you’re single and you want to own property, talk to an agent and see what’s out there within your budget. Don’t let that single freedom in any way imprison you from the dream of buying a home.

Whether you are an experienced investor or developer or a first time homebuyer, Vanessa is a skilled real estate agent who will exceed your expectations.

Visit www.vanessaroman.ca to learn more.

Follow Vanessa on Twitter @VanessaRomanTV

Fashion Designer Dalia MacPhee

By Sally of Doctors’ Wives Living

Dalia MacPhee is a Canadian fashion designer to the Hollywood elite. Dalia’s gowns have graced the figures of celebrities such as Heidi Klum, Brooke Burke, Olivia Munn, Serena Williams, Scarlett Johansson, Khloe Kardashian, and the stars of Glee and America’s sweetheart gold-medalist, Gabby Douglas.

Dalia’s collection has something for everyone, including a size range up to size 24. Her goal is to make every woman feel beautiful regardless of age, size or ethnicity. Also a designer with a conscience, Dalia’s dresses are ‘Vegan’. For her Spring 2013 collection, Dalia has reinvented her signature feel of ‘Old Hollywood with a modern twist’ – introducing some great new silhouettes and gorgeous fabrics that she found while traveling abroad.

Brooke Burke

Olivia Munn

Vampire Diaries’ Nina Dobrev

Doctors’ Wives Living: Being from Vancouver, how has your time in Canada influenced your design philosophy? Who were your favourite fashion designers when you were growing up?

Dalia MacPhee: I find that the design in Canada is more European influenced and I definitely carry quite a bit of that style in to my own collection. Growing up some of my favourite designers included Oscar de la Renta, Valentino and Carolina Herrera.

DWL: When did you first get into fashion? Could you elaborate on your journey that ultimately led you to Los Angeles?

DM: I’ve been designing 13 years professionally. About six years ago, I saw an opportunity to dress Hollywood’s elite and make a greater impact with my line, which is what led me to Los Angeles. I still divide my time between LA and Vancouver.

DWL: You now grace major magazines and adorn many celebrities. First of all, congratulations on your success, but what’s next for Dalia? What are your new goals for what you want to achieve?

DM: Oh, thank-you! I plan to expand in to accessories, sportswear, really a global brand that not only represents a great affordable product, but also represents something good in the world. Apparel is one of the largest industries on this planet, and we have an opportunity to reach and help so many people. I hope to be as large a part of that as possible.

DWL: Was there a certain moment in time where you thought “Yes – I have made it!”?

DM: Being in an industry where I’m surrounded by such incredible talent, I’m constantly humbled, and the truth is I haven’t had that “I’ve made it” moment just yet. From time to time I do have an “I’m doing it” moment, and right now that’s more than enough for me.

DWL: What does the Dalia MacPhee label represent? Do you think you are better known for your fabric and cut or the rich colours in your designs?

DM: To me, Dalia MacPhee represents the inner beauty that resides in all women. If you’ve every taken a look at my collection you will notice it is quite diverse: it is available in a wide range of colors, sizes and fabrications, and to me that represents how diverse our clientele is. Design wise, DALIA MACPHEE is old Hollywood with a modern twist.

Bitsie Tulloch from “The Artist”

Amber Riley from GLEE

DWL: Being a designer with a conscience, have you always had collections that were vegan? What fabrics do you prefer to work with?

DM: My collection for the most part has always been at least partially Vegan. Vegan means no animal products, which includes no silk, because silk is made by killing the silk worm. I found a way to create luxurious, silk free fabrications that include luscious chiffons, rich laces and decadent jerseys that feel amazing on the body.

DWL: What was your inspiration for your Spring/Summer 2013 Collection?

DM: To me a collection is an individual, and every season, it grows and evolves. This season I wanted her to grow in to her shoes. She’s a little more bold, a little more sexy, and a lot more heart.

DWL: Will you be expanding and selling in more stores worldwide? Where in Calgary, Alberta can we find your beautiful gowns?

DM: Yes, I plan to expand to Europe this year. We are currently available in Calgary, in Holt Renfrew and better boutiques, and will also be available in the new Nordstrom Store opening in Calgary very soon. You can always find a list of boutiques that carry us by going to to the store locator on the website or by calling our office.

DWL: What would be your words of advice for up and coming Canadian designers? Mistakes that you learned from?

DM: Be proud of your roots. There’s an advantage being Canadian. We’ve produced some of the most influential people in the world. Know what you want and don’t stop ’til you get it.

Please go to Dalia’s website to view more of her designs. You can also follow her on Facebook and Twitter.

Putting away groceries? An unpacking strategy goes a long way to keeping food fresh.

Unpacking groceries may seem like a mindless task, but a few important steps can help you make the most of the food you buy. To keep food fresh and safe to eat:

Photo by Wentzu Chang

• Put perishable items, such as meat and milk, into the freezer or fridge right away to avoid spoilage.
• Store eggs (in their carton) and dairy products inside the fridge, not on the door (it’s the warmest part of the fridge).
• Put meat and poultry into containers on the bottom of the fridge so juices won’t drip and contaminate other foods. Split larger packages and freeze in meal-size portions for easy defrosting. (This is also an ideal time to add favourite marinades to packages of meat, yielding homemade seasoned meat, allowing you to control the ingredients)!
• Store unwashed vegetables and fruit in separate drawers of the fridge so they stay fresh longer. To store leafy greens, wash in cool water, dry, wrap loosely in paper towels and store in a container in the fridge.
• Keep tomatoes on the counter out of direct sunlight so they stay fresh and flavourful.
• Keep potatoes, sweet potatoes, garlic and onions in a dry, cool and dark place that is well ventilated.
• Spend a few minutes organizing your fridge to help keep food fresh and safe to eat. You’ll cut down on wasted food too!

Breakthrough Junction offers nutrition and life coaching services through the expert team of Stefanie Copple a Registered Dietitian and Gaynor Levisky a Certified Life Coach. 

Sources: Canadian Food Inspection Agency. Everyday Safe Food Handling Practices. Available from: http://www.inspection.gc.ca/food/consumer-centre/food-safety-tips/food-handling/safe-food- handling-practices/eng/1324961577629/1324961665805

 Canadian Produce Marketing Association. Home Storage Guide for Vegetables & Fruit. Available from: https://www.cpma.ca/en_hea_storage.asp

My husband, Doctor L, loves sexy shoes. He loves when I wear them, and to be honest, I love wearing them because they make me feel beautiful, too. There’s something about a nice pair of stilettos that make me feel powerful, feminine, and sexy all at the same time. When I wear a pair of high-end high heels, I just feel better. Call me materialistic, but I’m sure a lot of you women can relate to me.

Doctor L loves when I wear five inch boots or stilettos during our sexy escapades. He actually prefers if I wear long stockings, a garter belt, and super high, strappy heels. In fact, I have searched the history on my laptop computer in the past, and realized that Doctor L has an “interest” for the ladies in heels. Thank goodness I didn’t find anything too out of the ordinary on the history on my computer because I can deal with wearing sexy shoes in the bedroom. Since he is willing to give me fantastic massages and meet my needs, I welcome his fantasies.

Talk to your very own Doctor L (your partner) and find out what he desires; tell him about your fantasies, too. Try to unleash your inner goddess, and put on lacy lingerie and five inch heels the next time you want to suprise your partner with a steamy night in bed. I’m sure you won’t have to wear the outfit for too long – but keep the heels on!

DWL: How do you find pieces of furniture for your home?

Kari: Because I have two young and very active children, I like to find pieces that are comfortable yet elegant.  I love Frontgate Z gallery, Ballard Designs, Pottery Barn.

DWL: What colours do you enjoy in your home?

Kari: We built our home in a two-acre wooded forest so I picked a lot of colours that were natural and earth tones to compliment the surroundings.

DWL: Are there special pieces you have used in your home from past generations of family members?

Kari: All of our family is in England and Colombia, so it is hard to bring pieces home to Atlanta.  I have picked up a lot of things for our home while traveling, but mainly art, linens and smaller items. 

DWL: What key pieces should every person have in their home?

Kari: I think it is important to have art that you LOVE as you spend a lot of time looking at it. My husband is a big art lover, so we have over 100 art pieces but not all are super expensive.  We like to buy original art, but there are so many wonderful artists in the world, and you can often pick up great art for good prices.

 DWL: What makes your  house inviting?

Kari: Many people make their homes show houses, so when you walk in you feel like you are in a museum.  We have a very comfortable sitting room, an open plan dining room and a play room for the kids on the main level.  So they can be where we are instead of tucked away somewhere. We designed it so that every room is functional for our lifestyle and we avoided fancy sitting rooms that nobody uses much.

Bravo TV’s Kari Wells from Married to Medicine

Question: I am hoping you can give me some pointers! You girls always seem to give such great advice and I agree with a lot of your suggestions. So here is my thing: I have lost my mojo. I am a stay at home mom to three kids ages 18 months, 3 and 5. Before kids I had a thriving career, I was organized and always looked my best. Now, when I look in the mirror I don’t even recognize myself. I feel like I can never get enough sleep, I never ‘do my hair’, sex is not what it used to be, and just finding the time to shower seems to be a difficult task. I want to be that mom that has her Sh*@ together, but my desire seems to be gone. I am waving the white flag! Help!

AMANDA’S ANSWER: I remember when I had my first child and I felt exactly the way you do. I cried and cried in the shower one day because I felt like I’d lost myself in my new role as a mother. My doctor wasn’t much help. He told me the answer was to go running every day and sleep more. Perfect on paper, but not realistic for someone who was alone at home all day with a baby who wasn’t sleeping and was nursing all the time. But I digress – what I really mean to say is, I get where you’re coming from and I bet most moms do.

I would take small steps towards regaining your sense of self and your mojo. It begins with forgiving yourself for not having your s#$% together. You’re a mom and that’s the hardest job a person will ever have. No-one understands how much work it takes to take care of 3 youngsters like moms and dads.

Next, you need help. If you want to do your hair, if you want to have more sex, if you want to spend some time on yourself, exercising or shopping, or hanging out with friends, then you need a support system to help you get there. You can’t be everything to all people all the time, and you can’t do it all alone. Enlist your partner’s help, if the children’s grandparents are around, ask them – if you can afford to have someone come in and take care of them for a few hours a week, do it. It’s worth it for your sanity. Maybe ask your partner to get up a little earlier and take care of the kids while you get ready for the day before he goes to work, so that you’re all set up and don’t have to try to shower while you’re alone with the children. Let your partner know you want to have more sex but you need his help to accomplish this – like setting up date nights and helping more with the kids. Maybe you can set up a team-work schedule where for instance he takes care of the kids in the morning, or he bathes the kids and puts them to bed at night, or he does breakfast and you do dinner, or the other way around.

I would suggest this to him regardless of the fact that you stay at home. He needs to be as involved as you are, and don’t let him give you the excuse of working all day to avoid his job as a dad. If he doesn’t understand how much you have to do during the day, show him. Go away for a day and leave him in charge. He’ll soon change his tune when he realizes exactly what you go through every day. If you work together and are equal partners in raising the kids, then you both bond with the children and you each get a break from the work. Do NOT feel guilty because he’s the bread winner and you’re not. You both decided to have children, you both decided you would stay home. Your role in the family is as important as his.

And don’t be shy to get babysitting when needed. If you can’t afford to hire a sitter, ask friends to help. If you’re in a Mommy-Baby group, I’m sure you can find people willing to help.

It’s a matter of doing what you already have – knowing that you want to get back to a semblance of your former self – then identifying steps to take and then following through. When you have the chance to focus on yourself once in a while, then it makes you a better mom and a better partner. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

LISA’S ANSWER: First of all, you should listen to Amanda’s advice. She’s a mother and career woman with a great sense of style and a commitment to fitness. I know it wasn’t always like that for her, but she got her s&*t together and is thriving now.

I don’t have kids but have been watching my new mother friends trying to cope with the craziness so I really feel for you. You’ve got a lot of responsibility and I’m sure there’s never time for yourself. That being said, if you’re ever going to get out of the rut, you’re just going to have to MAKE time. There’s no ifs, ands or buts about it. It’s going to be hard, but once you get into a routine, you’ll get used to it. Start by talking to your husband about your needs and ask if he’s willing to help you reclaim yourself. The benefit for him is he will have a hotter wife who will likely want to have to sex more. Do you have family nearby that can help you take care of the kids? If yes, then use them and start hitting the gym. It’s a great stress-reliever and you’ll start to feel better about yourself once you get a few workouts in. The second step is to plan a weekly or monthly date night with your husband where you have a chance to dress up, do your hair and get out of the house. Complete these small steps at a time, and you’ll start to find the burden is lessening. Maybe in a year or two you can even think about going back to work or volunteering so that you have something to focus on that’s just for you.

It’s going to be difficult with all you already have to do to turn the focus back on yourself but good for you for wanting to do it. The bonus is that you’re setting a great example for your children. My mother was a career woman and I was raised in part by a nanny. I can tell you from experience how much I looked up to my mother when she would put on her nice clothes, do her hair and go to work – or even just out for an evening with my dad. Achieving balance is hard work, but well worth it once you get there.

Relationship advice

Love, Lust & The In-Between offers advice to anyone experiencing challenges in their lives. Readers of this magazine are most welcome to send in their questions, which will be handled with the utmost confidence. Lisa and Amanda will each reply with their own perspectives. Please be aware that their advice comes from experience, not a classroom, and is therefore only to be applied to your personal situation if it feels like the right thing for you. Lisa and Amanda look forward to helping you. Please comment below and provide your questions, so the ladies can help you even more!

Flossing and brushing are more effective than flossing alone. A toothbrush works by physically removing plaque (plaque is a bacteria laden film) using bristles and hand mechanical action.  Although this technique is very effective it does have a shortcoming: A toothbrush’s bristles cannot satisfactorily clean between the teeth or under the gums.

This is why flossing is an adjunct to daily oral hygiene. Plaque that is not removed can harden into tartar, a hard mineral deposit that forms on teeth and can only be removed through professional cleaning by a dental professional. When this happens, brushing and cleaning between teeth become more difficult, and gum tissue can become swollen or may bleed. This condition is called gingivitis, the early stage of gum disease.

Flossing helps remove debris and interproximal dental plaque, the plaque that collects between two teeth. Dental floss (or dental tape) helps clean these hard-to-reach tooth surfaces and reduces the likelihood of gum disease and tooth decay.

The ADA Suggests that flossing before you brush also helps make brushing more effective: With less plaque caught between your teeth, the fluoride in toothpaste can get to more parts of your mouth.  Think of floss and a toothbrush as a dental paintbrush and paint roller, respectively.  You could paint your living room walls with just one of the tools, but using them together will provide a much more satisfactory result. (source is ADA)

Flossing is more than just clean teeth, having improper oral hygiene can aggravate other diseases such as, heart disease, severe osteopenia, uncontrolled diabetes, preterm or lowterm birth weight babies.

Last weeks answer: Budapest, Hungary. Congratulations to Lindy for providing the correct answer!

1.     Guest List: Your guest list should include a strong group of old friends or acquaintances to ensure a successful party, but don’t be afraid to mix in a few new, compatible invitees to stir things up a little.

2.     Theme: Everyone loves a theme party and a theme makes it easy to choose décor, music, food and costumes! Try a Mexican theme – add a piñata and some nachos and you’ve got the makings of a fiesta!

3.     Décor: Set up an arrangement of furniture to provide ample comfortable seating but also room for the party to flow. If your party is outside, be sure to set up enough tables for food and beverages – try filling a kiddie pool with ice and drinks instead of storing them in the fridge, inside.

4.     Beverages:  We can’t help but recommend you stock your bar with Steam Whistle Pilsner. Party guests love the fun of pouring a fresh draught. Alternatively stocking bottles in an ice-filled bin allows you to offer a variety of beverages such as beer, wine, coolers and non-alcoholic drinks all from a self-serve station. Generally assume 1 drink per person per hour in your planning. Remember to serve responsibly and offer to hold keys and call taxis if necessary. 

5.     Food:  A responsible host always serves food along with beverages. Check out the couple of recipes below that all feature beer as an ingredient. Who knew you could create so many amazing dishes with beer?! For another 148  recipes for cooking with beer go to http://www.steamwhistle.ca/fun/recipes.php.

ONCE EVERY THREE, MARITAL BLISS & THE GUY STARE…

By Shannon Nering

I had this stellar brainstorm about how to create an interstellar fast-track to marital blisssssssssss. I stress the ‘s’ because I want you to soak that in. Bliss man. Yaaaaah. Should be free for everyone. So I came up with a plan… to get me some. Hint: it takes approximately eight minutes once every three nights.

First, I must confess, I don’t actually know what marital bliss feels like. I may have had some in the early years (kind of like 90s lab drugs, don’t think I did, not sure, but, never know, maaaaaybe… meh, probably not, bit of a square). Anyhow, I imagine MB feeeels real good. And if it’s truly an achievable thing, and not just some unicorn-yarn spread by polyanna’ish-married-folk, then I want some.

These girls be doing it!

Naturally, I know this won’t be easy because:

1)    I’m not 25, 30, 35 or whatever age people get married at now. I’ve been married 10 years! A decade. In other words, honeymoon stage (the stage I imagine MB to be fully blissing out) is loooooong over.

2)    We have kids. Two. Boys. Which equals CRAZY TOWN pretty much 24/7.

3)    We are not loaded and we have a chubby mortgage, bordering on clinically obese after latest Re-fi. Which means, we must pay for pork-o loan-o. Which means, our priorities go something likes this:

1. keep children alive, fed, sheltered and, most importantly, loved
2. work and pay mortgage
3. sign up and get kids to school/lessons/soccer/piano/circus
4. work and pay taxes
5. feed pets, mow lawn, clean house, fix all the crap that breaks
6. work and weed wack through bureaucratic everything
7. try for a bit of a social life (book club, hot lunch at the kids school)
8. work some more (oh, and by work, I mean him, I haul in an ok chunk, covers groceries and Old Navy runs, kind of, I spend a bit of time at Whole Foods, what can I say, organic is expensive) then pay for the rest of it
9. manage personal hygiene (because my teeth won’t brush themselves)
10. finally, make time for spouse (translation: date night happens once every six months)

You see, we’re kind of at the bottom of each other’s lists. Not intentionally, it’s just the way it is. I love my guy. He’s really quite handsome. He’s a great dad. He’s a great provider. He’s actually pretty funny and smart, as far as guys go. It’s just that life is complicated. We’re getting hit with it, as in, from the man, taxes, WCB, estate stuff, grown up stuff. And like so many people out there, we care, as in, not just about our own sh#%*, but about what’s happening in the world: GMOs, ocean acidification, rampant cancer. By the time we take it all in, we’re pretty damn exhausted and an exciting night for the two of us has become a cup of mint tea, a bowl of ice cream (or big bag of mini-eggs), two hours of The Voice, then sleep.

Screeeeeeeeech. Imagine the biggest skid mark since Steve McQueen steered a Mustang fastback through the streets of SanFran. That’s my husband saying, “back the bus up be-yatch! You forgot something. That might be your perfect night, but mine is a cup of chai tea (he likes the hard stuff), ice cream, three hours of The Voice (as in, the battle rounds, then the results show, back-to-back, no commercials), then SEX, then sleep.” Stet.

Ok, ok. Point taken. Picking up what you’re putting down. Jeeeez.

Bottom line, hold your panties ladies because “this just in,” brace yourself for some ground breaking stuff here, no one has ever heard this, are you sitting down my chicas? Men. Need. Sex… Like way more than we do. Waaaaay more. They. Need. It. Every. Night. Yah, yah, yah. No sh@*#. Big frickin’ deal. I always thought, “Great for him, but I don’t! Half the time I’m too tired anyway. So suck it up cowboy! I need a surf retreat in Bali and a full-time cleaning staff, but I don’t see that happening.”

Enter: the great divide. I’m on one side (of the bed) and he’s on the other, and bliss might as well be a portal to Pluto for all we get to see it.

Cut to: my once every three solution. I give him sex once every three nights and everyone’s happy. That’s it. Simple. This is my new formula that’s going to bring me marital bliss and, more importantly, freedom from the disgruntled, fully ubiquitous, Guy Stare. Every married woman knows, this can hit any time of day. It’s a sneer, half way between lust and disgust, and they don’t even know they’re doing it. But they do it, and you know what they’re saying?

‘Me caveman, you cavewench, screw me now, but me know you won’t, so me look at you like this, you better screw me tonight, but me know you won’t do that either, because me only get it once/week or two weeks or five, and usually on weekends, so me mad, so unk, enjoy me mad face, it be back again tomorrow’.

You’re probably thinking, “What do you get out of the deal, oh wise woman, oh teller of great truths?”

Listen, regular sex is hard enough when you’re a once-upon-a-hotty 40-something and Adam Levine is so far out of your league that having a sexual fantasy with him is a fantasy, and cool means blaring Black Box in your minivan with the windows down and kids farting in the backseat. So my theory is this: they, the husband, my husband, will be so thrilled to be getting it on a regular basis – I mean, one out of three nights is pro athlete type stats – that everything else in his world will go from Vancouver grey, to Rosalita rosey. And if papa’s happy, everybody is happy. I foresee a shift. A big shift. Like, we might win the lottery type shift from this one, small, not-so-random act of kindness. Quite honestly, it’s not going to take too much on my part, just willingness and a little flexibilityyyyy. I can keep the granny gonch, I can even wear my Elmo T, just quick sex & snooze & finis. C’est tout.

Anyone single reading this is thinking, “Oh my God, you married people are so lame! Where’s the romance? Where’s the love? This is what’s wrong with the world? See? This is why I’ll never get married. I have such great sex, and it’s so real and so passionate and you are all so lame. Like horror show lame. You disgust me!” (as I write this I’m doing Zoolander voice in my head. I know some day said self-righteous single person will get married and they’ll be all like: so, I heard about this once every three? I think I’m going to try it, just to see if I can’t bring a little joy back in the house? Like, I could care less about the sex, but I just can’t take the stare, you know, the guy stare? It’s killing me!)

So… I’m doing it, like actually going to be “doing” it, once every three for one month, or maybe two, or maybe forever. Wish me luck. I’ll report back later. Remember, sex and snooze, sex and snooze. What’s an extra eight minutes of your life?!

Shannon Nering’s the ultimate do-it-all hipster mom who’s juggling screaming children, plummeting career cache, sexy wif’ing and sagging body parts, while trying to be the best parent she can be without turning herself into a pretzel. She’s also a much-in-demand docu-reality producer and director, whose savant-like understanding of the genre, combined with her ability to create intimate bonds with her subjects, pays off in riveting television… and now riveting novels like REALITY JANE. Check out her web-site: www.shannonnering.com Or drop a note at: snering@shaw.ca